Harmony 合
A house with one mouth. How nice that will be!
Over the years, many couples have asked me why after placing mandarin ducks, wearing jades, placing feng shui ornaments, crystals, auspicious pair of display etc and still there was a lack of harmony between the couples?
Some of the common issues (whether married or still in courtship):
1) Our thinking are different nowadays or Our hobbies/ interest are different now.
2) He doesn't understand me.
3) Only he has the say or only he talks but never listen to me or give me a chance to say
4) I don't have an attraction with her already
5) Can't stand the way he does things.
6) Why he keeps things from me? Why so secretive?
7) Why she keep asking me questions as if she doesn't trust me?
8) I suspect he's seeing another woman
9) We are not as intimate as before.
10) She always throw her temper and I can't stand it any longer
11) No freedom, always follow or check wherever I am
12) Little bit of things he shout at me
13) We are not doing things and spending time together.
14) He's not looking at me when talking; Everytime pretty girls walked past, he never give a miss; He's bazi got Tao Hua, how? She is not clicking with my Mom; He seems to be spending more money elsewhere; She is fatter than when I know her; She is seeing other guys; He is getting lazy, doesn't help out with housework; The children were stressing me, he didn't even care; I'm very stressful at work, there may be a retrenchment, why can't she understand but keep nagging; He is always at the computer, might as well marry the computer better; She doesn't do housework, keeps playing majong/ shopping with her friends, even the kid left to the maid; We argue everyday on every little things; The feeling is gone...................
Any sounds familiar? Which echos in your mind?The list can go on and on. Each and everyone has his own changes, preferences, denials, grudges, unhappiness, suspicions and etc. Each can give a very good reason for not loving or feeling as before. Each has the right to share with your friends or others very convincingly valid reasons for getting into detest, disgust, distrust, disappointment and even to the extend of hate. This is not an agency for partnership nor marriage counselling department. It is getting an understanding from chinese metaphysics perspective. Before we move on to understand more about elements at work, let's go back through time:
Whether a married couple or a courting couple, remember those days of courtship? Especially the first time the twinkling in your eyes or the butterfly in stomach or sweaty palms or blushing or saying the wrong things or the sensation of the first touch etc.
Yes, some of you can recall vividly or probably use this as a constant reminder when in a disagreement. However, before long, you are back to square one with the other half (spouse).
Chinese metaphysics is about time, space, elements etc. When both of you come across each others path and began a journey together, elements are still subject to conbination and motion. Therefore, when disharmony comes, how can a feng shui ornament just do the magic trick?
First of all, we discuss a few issues on personal views (remember, there is no right or wrong):
1) I'm too busy, very stressful. After all, I have spent good times together previously and given the dedication. It is time to have some understanding of this real world and move on with the next or more important stage of life.
a) Many families/ couples are facing such stress from demanding working environments, such expectations from society or peers, such comparisons with higher living standards, such fear of not making both ends meet. The upgrading, the opportunities, the expectations, the aspirations, the money and etc are all eating up your ease with time. It is inevitable to face all these when one is to continue to remain in such an environment.
We can't change peers driving up a porche to your doorstep. We can't change food prices going up. We can't change when your colleague resigned and you are dumped with extra work. We can't change people raising expectations. We can't change unforseen circumstances that knocks at your door from time to time.
What we can change is our priority, schedule, view of time and surrounding.
Let's look at how it works:
When we get our salary, we usually tend to pay off the bills, credit cards, purchase things, pay the maid, tuition teacher, swimming instructor, restaurants, courses, insurance, car polisher, drinks on the house, clubbing, gifts, SPA, golfing, birthday celebrations, charity, latest gadgets, games and a whole long list. However, many of us forget to pay ourselves first. If we can assume ourselves to be the very first credit card company to pay off, we are half way to managing money and having a savings. Likewise, if the very start of the day or a scheduled time slot is dedicated to our spouse, we maintain a savings in our relationship.
b)On the other hand, you as the other half, need to realise that there are facts/reality to face. We are living in an ever changing world, things get in motion. While deserving the right to keep the pleasant memories, there is also the reality to support your spouse in moving on. We can't keep asking without giving back. We can't keep staying without moving on.
2)Our thinking is different already/ Our hobbies or interests are not the same/He doesn't look at me when talking/ we are not as intimate before/can't stand the way he does things/ I don't feel.................... etc
a) It was different right from the beginning unless you admit you suppressed your own major interest for the sake of the courtship. Some like to expect, some like to demand, some like new experiences and some like to continue to dwell in fond memories. Even twins are doing different things at the same time.
When we take on a relationship, we take on a responsibility. To some, quite heavy burden, to others it may be a joy to carry together. When you take on a position in a company, you have to fulfil that responsibility whether you are having Monday Blues or backstabbed or headhunted. Let's skip those who are born <runaways>. Our focus here is on this particular responsibilty in the office, day in day out, facing the same people, facing the same four walls and repeating the works you have done last month or last year. Its a cycle and boring, isn't it? Some of you by now are loathing of tomorrow while others obviously are dragging your feet early in the morn at the thought of work.
Yes, responsibility without emotion is a burden. Look at how enthusiastic when you first joined the company!
So when we take on a position in a relationship, we take on a responsibility. In addition, this will be a continuous emotional responsibilty. As time pass, are you going to drag your feet and face the same "four walls"? That's right, whether your spouse can become the same old "four walls' really depends on you. Where have your emotions gone to? Where was your initial enthusiasm?
I came across some people in sales. They said that in order for them to maintain enthusiastic day in and day out everyday, seeing all kinds of customers, they adopt one strategy: to recite/ psycho themselves to be cheerful or positive.
You may say, in a relationship, how can we be so fake with our partners? No, you can't associate this with that. You should look from another angle: If you treasure your partner, you should be expressing even more enthusiastic in front of your partner above all customers.
For that moment with your partner is ONLY but once.
b) On the other side of the fence, let's understand it takes two hands to clap. No point raising your hand preparing to clap happily as if you have won emphathy. Ought to realise that in the relationship game, there's no winners or losers. The moment you feel you got the upperhand, its the beginning of losing. So maybe your spouse realised "where did my emotions go?", yet you may need to self-examine how you had helped him to be less enthusiastic.
** I shall not elaborate further on the negativities and complains. They are all about the same, aren't they?
You may say, " Saying is easier than getting it done!". Some of you may have the knowledge of the above, some may have tried. However, how well you think you can manage, there will come one day........
So now you ask again, "What has this got to do with feng shui?".
Everything! From both of your bazi, your house feng shui, your office feng shui and the people around both of you.
There are many people, despite having such understanding yet unable to avoid getting into an emotional entanglement. Once understanding the interactive complexities of elements, you will be well on the road to better relations.
Relationship is a process. Especially when your bazi is not supportive. You wouldn't want to give up so easily, would you? Then you may need to continuously put the extra effort, cultivate the awareness and sychronise with the balancing of the elements around you in this aspect. There is no magic from the display of a pair of "dragon & phoenix" .
.......To be continued.
Fated and brought both of you together. Now you are stuck with some unforseen problems between yourselves. Breakup or stress management?
Tried hard as you can be but still to no avail? Been a while and has updated your relationship skills and has been trying? Still can't see eye to eye? Still not agreeing? Not easy as you think that skills and knowledge can bring about resolving sticky disputable issues.
Let's give yourself another option to understand relationship rather than walking in the dark. Its going to be a process. There is no straight answers such as: " Shall I breakup or divorce or try again ". One must understand that this is sensitive issues. Only a set of "pros and cons", set of solutions/remedies on either decision and you still have to make your own choice.
.......to be continued
It been a long time since the last update. So what is this option or process? You have tried the above advise or got some counselling. It may have eased your relationship somewhat or improvements lasted awhile, isn't it? Then the problems between you both came back again? Consequently when either or both of your willpower dwindle, that's where the irreversible step will take place.
When some of you who has spouse elements clashes, by having the above understanding and education is not enough. If you don't get your environment/ house feng shui fixed, you are just waiting for the last day of the marriage "contract".
It is never easy to deal with complex emotional elements especially when both the parties have endured and hold grudges for a long time. Always seek early consultation on the first sign of 'crack'.
Some general comments: So either you check your potential partner's bazi before commiting or if you are already married, get your partner to agree to find "all" solutions to work out. Believe me (with decades of experience), human effort and intelligence is futile. You need metaphysics to help.